Thursday, April 16, 2009

Put it out there!

“Where do I begin?”

What a fantastic last few weeks I’ve been having! I firmly believe that there is truth in the rumour that if you want something from life you should “put it out there” because that is what I did and it now seems to be paying dividends. It was about two weeks ago and I was on a dance floor in a gay club in Pretoria (Legends to be exact) and I was behaving like I had just graduated from Madame Sassy’s school of Extremely sexy dance. I was shaking my hips like they were confetti at a wedding and I was enjoying one dance anthem after another, Robin S. , Snap, David Guetta, Britney and of course the new cheeky popsicle, Lady Gaga! Then “POP!” I had a thought. “I wanna do that!” “I wanna be the person who gets to make the song that makes all the funky people wanna dance like hungry monkeys at a banana-bread raffle.” So that’s how it started. I went home and started throwing ideas around, the next thing I knew I was behind the soundproof glass wailing into a microphone and trying not to distort my voice too much with my swaying hips. I LOVE MAKING MUSIC! And so my first electro-house track “Put it out there!” (listen to it on my facebook profile), was born with the production skills of the amazing Helio aka Monotone, and although the lyrics are not going to win me a Pulitzer, I am very proud of it. It makes me want to dance and that makes me feel good! That aside I have met and been spending time with some of the most gorgeous and generous people imaginable. The face-lickable cast of Killer Queen + JC, (The vocal boy band Overtone, all of them, yum yum!), Chris, Ben, Andrew (the three lovely misters), Chet and Freda (Patrons of Perfection and Protectors of the Fabulous!), and of course scintillating Sam, Joan of Obz (Now of Norwood), Lerato the luscious, Guava princess, Punkris, Catharsis and every other “nca!” and “sharp sharp!” person I have seen over these weeks whose names just wouldn’t sound as good in this sentence despite being equally adored. So now the song is done and already all grown up and leading its own little independent life out there in cyberspace. Soon it will even be available to download on so it hardly even needs me anymore. But I’m already working on two more songs. Hell, if I can’t be a breeder I may as well riddle the world with my lyrical offspring and hopefully cause hundreds of people in the world to get my songs stuck in their heads the way Kylie Minogue and Britney have been plaguing me my whole life. “Na na na… na na na na na… can’t get you outta my head…” Aaargh!
But I interrupt this broadcast to announce to everyone that I am about to launch into my newest and most exciting adventure yet. This Sunday I am heading off into the “bundu’s” of Botswana and Namibia for two weeks in a big butch 4x4. I kid you not! I am going on safari with my beloved younger boetie Tigue and will be unreachable until we return to civilisation on the 3rd of May. This is not to be confused with camping which I was doing earlier on at Legends in Pretoria. This is full tilt bushwacking and I am so excited, but also ever so slightly “kakking” myself. No cell phone network, no facebook, no agents, no castings, no Sandton! I’ll just have to cope (not the political party.) So, chow for now and catch up with all of you Love-blossoms of desire on the other side of deepest darkest Africa and watch this space for a “Little” Bush trip update. BIG LOVE!!!

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Romantick tock boom!

Okay so what the hell is romantic Love any way? Its everywhere! Every movie, book, song and even scrawled on some bridges on random highways and the back of public toilet doors. But I'm just not getting any! Everything else is rocking but that! I feel like I'm eating a gourmet burger and the chef left out the patty. I'm in a phenomenal city that is bursting with newness opportunity and mortal danger. I'm back in studio recording music that makes the hairs on the back of my neck feel like an Arthur Murray routine. I am spending time with people that I respect and enjoy like you do a mouthfull of cake after a month of celery, but no fluttering heart and batting eyelids. Same old scenarios over again like the series channel I like him but he doesn't like me or he likes me but I don't return the flavour. Its like a sick joke all these chains of unrequited 'like'. Then as if to mock me I'm surrounded by all these gorgeous couples that are equally infatuated with one another. All this cuddling and kissing and soft speaking to one another. Shit I get so jealous I could spit. But then I remember that every dog has its day and that one day there will be someone that will make me go all mush brained and thick tongued and for once he will feel the same. Its not that I think I'm a wolfpig or anything, I know I'm not a growler and that I'm reasonably attractive but I'm not talking about mere attraction! I'm talking about Kapow! Chikka chikka boom! The real makoya! You know? Am I asking too much? I know I'm a bit eccentric and stuff but there are so many strange people that I know who have managed to find Love so why the hell not me? Maybe my gut is getting temperamental like the GPS on my cell phone and losing my desired destination cos its lost the satellite signal. Maybe I've lost the Love signal. Thats funny. Lame but funny. If you want something cheap and easy life produces it in abundance at your disposal but something of value and with any depth at all seems so scarce, and I'm just talking about the gay clubs now. Well... I've placed my order and I'm a patient man and I suppose the universe thinks it best to provide me with fewer distractions as my career finally begins to set up shop. But let it be known I'm not going to let this go without a fight. I'm not going to settle either. No small bumps and thuds, its the big KABLOOEE! or nothing. Fabulous friendship and fame will just have to suffice.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Not so stunning.

Although I constantly make a valid effort to remain consistently upbeat and jovial, I must admit that there are times when that skanky bitch meloncholy jumps out and wrestles me to the ground. Then once she has me pinned down she torments me by dribbling long trails of syrupy spit until they dangle inches from my face before shlucking it back up into her twisted mouth at the last minute. I hate that bitch. I suspect that she hides under my bed in wait for me, pouncing when I'm most vulnerable. I know I shouldn't expect to be all happiness and joy all the time but she seems to really relish giving me a hard time when I find myself at her mercy. Luckily I usually manage to wriggle away rather quickly. She always manages to post such disturbing ideas into my head once she has me in her grip. "Noone really gets you." she'll hiss. "You're not meant to share your life with anyone cos you're too strange." She sits with an entire panel of my issue buttons and gingerly goes about pushing each one in as deep as they go until they begin to strain. She tuts tsk tsks into my ear as I lay in the dark trying to sleep. She knows all the kak I wish nobody knew. So tonight she is sitting at the foot of my bed with her tongue out and her eyes like slits even though she has no business being here right now. I am beginning to thrive in an amazing city that is beginning to Love me and she's trying to poke holes in my pretty new paisley patterns. Maybe its a good thing she's trying so hard to get to me tonight. Maybe its an indication that I'm on to something new and wonderful, something that'll work and now she's threatened cos she fears her days are numbered. Meloncholy finds herself being scheduled fewer shifts and she fears she may have to find herself a new gig. Well, regardless, she's here now and she's barking like a dog to get my attention. I could take half a sleeping pill and slip away from her tight little fists but I wont. I'll curl up and lie here until I doze off naturally cos although she's no good atleast she knows how to stick around. And if she can manage to want to do that and put in such a slog then I must be worth the effort. Mel. Your days are numbered cos I'm due for an upgrade and Patience is offering a killer deal on the new contentment package. Also the self-pity price has gone through the roof and my budget can only afford the odd disappointment on special occasions so its time I knuckled down on some good times they're going at a great wrate these days.