Thursday, April 10, 2008

As Within So Without.

They say that happiness comes from within. But what if the opposite is also true. There are times when everything seems to be running smoothly, you are surrounded by those you love, your bank balance is in the plus and all seems well. But still you feel a dull ache inside. A phantom loss or imaginary tragedy that you cannot even place. In my case I woke up with it this morning. My life is great! Peppered with Love and miracles and wonderment but somehow if I have to describe how I feel in my chest I would use the word sore.

Maybe I am being completely self-indulgent. Perhaps I should ignore this random sensation until it goes away. Or perhaps I should go for therapy or some kind of mental cleansing process and learn that this is a childhood trauma that is only now making itself known after years of lying dormant. Sylvia Browne (famous psychic) and Shirley Maclaine (you really should know her) would probably suggest it has something to do with a former life. All I know is that I feel an ouch and I can't figure out what's causing it. I'll probably wake up tommorrow feeling bright and breezy and today will seem like a bad memory but until then its still today. It's also quite a mediocre pain in the sense that it isn't driving me to want to do anything drastic or stupid like cut myself or jump off Table mountain. But its plaguing me all the same. Perhaps venting it on here will give it the attention it needs and then it will dissapear back into the oblivion from which it came. Unfounded sadness and unmotivated meloncholy. I suppose we share something, my condition and I, we both seem to lack a sense of purpose.

1 comment:

  1. I have those feelings from time to time. The lesson I have learned is to listen to any message you may be telling yourself, or one that someone, or something in your Universe, may be trying to communicate to you.

    It is interesting that you mention Sylvia Brown and the likes.. since I think you would be right in what they may say about your 'feelings'.